I always thought Vegas would be a great host city for the Summer Olympics.
Well, if everyone could get past the 120-degree August heat. There isn’t as much pollution as Beijing and where some cities have trouble building out their Olympic facilities, Vegas already has some world-class facilities and whatever is lacking, could be built in a matter of weeks.
I guess it’s a long shot that Vegas could ever host the Summer Olympics, but that doesn’t mean that future games couldn’t benefit from the addition of a few Vegas “sports.” I’m not talking about horse racing or even poker, for those that consider playing cards a sport.
These sports are at the very core of a memorable Vegas experience and would definitely add some sex appeal (beyond beach volleyball) and bring excitement back to the games. I mean, seriously, if someone can win an Olympic gold medal in trampoline, these Vegas sports are definitely medal worthy:
Stripper Biathlon: I’m sure I read on Wikipedia somewhere that the original Olympic games in ancient Greece had something similar to the Stripper Biathlon, but maybe that was the Heraea Games.
In the modern Stripper Biathlon, instead of long-distance running and shooting guns, athletes have pole and lap with all events being performed in six-inch acrylic high heels.
In the pole portion of the event, competitors must perform a 4:13 routine to Prince’s “Darling Nikki.” Contestants will be judge on creativity, stamina and full use of the pole.
The lap portion is almost marathonic similar to the cross country running portion of the officially sanctioned biathlon. Contestants can choose music of their liking to perform a 2:30 lap dance for each judge. With 10 judges, that’s more than 20 minutes of lap dancing. Unless of course the judges have some extra twenty-dollar bills, in which case, the contestants can stay longer dancing for each judge.
Where to Find Stripper Biathlon in Vegas: Sapphire, Spearmint Rhino, Olympic Garden
Synchronized Dance Floor: How many times have you walked into a Vegas club and seen two attractive girls on the dance floor doing the exact same dance in almost the exact same revealing outfit? That’s the wonderful sport of Synchronized Dance Floor. Contestants are judged on attractiveness, costumes, dance moves, synchronization and ability to hold liquor.
There are three rounds of the competition with a shot of Patron before during and after each round. That third round is where many an Olympic dream ends in unconsciousness, nausea-related activity or calling ex-boyfriends.
Where to Find Synchronized Dance Floor in Vegas: The Bank, Tabu, TAO, Moon/Playboy Club, VooDoo
Acrobatic Gymnastics: I think this sport has the best shot of making it. With all of the Cirque du Soleil shows in Vegas, some of the world’s best gymnasts are performing live in Vegas almost every night. Women’s Gymnasitcs are always one of the biggest television draws at any Summer Olympic games. This year, millions of Americans will tune in to see Alicia Sacramone, Chellsie Memmel, Nastia Liukin and Shawn Johnson bring gymnastics gold back to the United States. While I respect their athleticism and commitment to the support, I think some of the Cirque du Soleil performances are much more difficult and plus you get much cooler music like The Beatles in Love instead of some of the stuff they play on the floor exercises.
Where to Find Acrobatic Gymnastics in Vegas: O, Ka, Love, Le Reve
Competitive Eating: Nathan’s on Coney Island gets all the eating buzz every summer with the hot dog eating competition, but with all of the buffets in Vegas, there is no reason Sin City shouldn’t be the center of the competitive eating world. And this is one sport, I wouldn’t mind training for.
Where to Find Competitive Eating in Vegas: City’s Best Buffest
UFC: So the sport should really be called mixed-martial arts (MMA), but UFC is the first name in MMA and has some interesting elements like the Octagon. Almost all of the historic UFC battles have been waged on Vegas soil, er, sand. After all, UFC is headquartered here, but it has become an international phenomenon.
The official Summer Olympics has judo, taekwondo and wrestling, but nothing that combines them all together in a fenced Octagon. Again, not to discount any of the hard work the Olympians put into their training, but I’d put my money on Chuck Liddell over any of the gold medalists from those three official Olympic events. In fact, I think The Iceman might be able to take all three of them at once.
Plus the bonus of having UFC in the summer Olympics: Octagon Girls.
These are just of the of the Vegas games that, if added, would actually make the Olympics fun to watch again. And really, they don’t have to even be summer games. These Vegas activities are just as great in winter.
If it’s too late for them to be in rotation for London 2012, maybe they’ll make the cut for Rio 2016 or who knows, Vegas 2024?
Originally published in Vegas Pop with 32 user comments – highlights below.